I want to begin today by sharing a short story. I love skiing. For five years, I owned a purple ski boots that were very stylish. They matched my purple skis, my ski jacket, and my hat. I looked great- the only problem was the boot never fit quite right. It pinched in one part, so I tried everything to make it fit. I adjusted the buckles, had extra padding put in, I bought a heated liner to change the inside shape of the boot, the ski shop stretched the outside of the boot; I tried thin socks, thick socks.
Regardless of how hard I tried, my feet would be in extreme pain at the end of every run. Finally, I gave in and bought a new pair of boots. And guess what? I had no pain; no pinching and I could ski better. But what amazed me was why I had put up with those purple boots that were not right for me? As I looked at it, I had paid good money for the boots, they matched everything, were supposed to be a good brand and I went through a lot of work to attempt to make them fit.
Now, how often do we experience this same dynamic in our relationships? We put up with a friend or a lover, who clearly hurts us, is not right for us. Why? We have invested so much; we are sure we can make it work. However, if we are clear about what we want and continually clarify and refine what makes our hearts sing, we will experience a good fit between what we want and what we eventually have. We can make relationships work well for us, if we don’t “put up” with relationships which will never be a good fit, no matter how hard we try.